Confusion: Part One

      I remember the presidential election of 2000, when George W Bush ran against Al Gore.  And Ralph Nader.  The outcome is history.  It is a topic that I have rarely heard discussed without bitterness--even before this most recent election.  But even that controversial event didn't inspire as much protest, debate, & concern as those of November 2016.  More than anything else, however, the election of Donald Trump seems to have invoked confusion.  A lot of confusion.  Confusion should inspire curiosity, but it's much more likely to inspire anxiety, often to the point of fear.  And fear makes a dangerous motivator.

      So I'm trying to be methodical.  I'm making a list of the things that confuse me these days, & I'm making an effort to seek information.  Some questions (like WTF is up with the electoral college? and Just how easy would it be for Trump to fire nukes?) are fairly easy to answer with a little research.  Others delve deep into human nature, which has officially become more difficult to predict than the weather.  And to accomplish this, communication is necessary.
      It's also one of the most confusing things at the moment.
      Since Trump took office, I have heard a lot of people talking about how perplexed they become when trying to converse with individuals who voted for the other presidential candidate.  We want to persuade others to our way of thinking.  This goes both ways: I was bemused by this article in the Seattle Times last week outlining how local Trump supporters were confused by all the protests going on.  Being a liberal myself, I more often hear many like-minded individuals voicing confusion about friends or family members who didn't share their voting strategy.  These conversions often end with a stab at optimism: "Well, those Trump voters will realize their mistake soon enough, when nothing works out the way they want!"
      Unfortunately, I'm not so sure.  There was an excellent article in Slate magazine** that summarized the challenges when trying to communicate with "true believers."  Whatever their Cause - medical miracle, religious figurehead, new political philosophy* - when a person becomes convinced that Cause is Good, they can defend that position to a frightening degree.  As a psychotherapist I have often wished that I better understood this phenomenon.  (Minority groups have been familiar with this problem for years: just try being a person of color persuading a privileged white person that White Privilege is a thing.)  Now more than ever, I wish I had some great insight--because a lot of conversations need to happen over the next 3 years, 11 months, & some-odd days.
      If you have other experiences, resources, or ideas about constructive communication, I very much want to hear it.  I think this skill may prove the most critical resource in our joint futures.  In fact, I believe it may save lives.

*We this historically with political revolutions: think the early years of the Soviet Union, or North Korea.  If you want a better understanding, I cannot over-recommend the book "Nothing To Envy" by Barbara Demick.  It is one of the most interesting, most engrossing, & most eye-opening books I've ever read.

**Ok, if you follow only one link in this whole blog post, THIS IS THE ONE TO READ!!!

Necesitamos una Buena Comunicación*

      It's not my habit to post so soon in succession, but one of the headlines I read this morning over breakfast said that the White House website is no longer available in Spanish.  It was a small article, but this is a very, very big deal.
      It's a big deal for two clear reasons.  Firstly, the White House is one of the two most critical nerve centers of American government.  Some data suggests that as few as one out of five Americans know the name of their state senators, but I think it's safe to say that the majority of our citizens know who is president--especially at this point in history.  Individuals looking for information about the leader of the free world might naturally start with the web site belonging to the most recognizable real estate in the country.  And now that information is not accessible to a significant percentage of the population.
      Then there's the symbolism.  Sure, the White House website is under construction while new information replaces the old during a change in administration, but you don't see the entire English site going down, or even significant portions.  Information about Melania Trump's modeling career & jewelry business was made available pretty damn fast.  So there's no doubt that this disappearance is deliberate.  It's no different than the popular kid handing out birthday invitations to everyone in their class except for those two or three they don't like: it's hard to miss that kind of snub.  And considering the exclusionary, uninformed, racist rhetoric Trump has spouted regarding Latinos, it would seem this is a malicious snub.  An entire group of people - who already struggle because of language issues - are even more shut out.

      I've already said that one the ways I hope to improve myself and be more of an activist is by learning Spanish.  When an entire language - and the people who speak it - are so forcefully marginalized, that becomes even more important.  At the Womxn's March, there were a lot of signs that said: BUILD BRIDGES, NOT WALLS!  I can't think of a more powerful bridge than that of communication.  I don't particularly like learning languages; it's a struggle for me, & it takes time I'd rather spend doing other things.  And that may be the biggest indicator of my White Privilege I can think of.


So what can we do?

      Before publishing this post I went to the White House website & left a message for the president, asking him specifically to restore the Spanish Translation of the website.  There were a lot of people in those marches on Saturday.  What if we got even half of them to flood the website with that particular request?
Here's the link: https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact


*This post's title is brought to you by Google Translate.

We Will Not Go Away; Welcome to Your First Day!

      It's been awhile since I posted, but I'm happy to say my tardiness has been for all the right reasons.  Namely: activism in other ways.  Today will be the first "working" day of Trump's presidency.  That seems like a good opportunity for me to check in about my own goals and progress.

In the last 30 Days I have:

 - Attended a Community Potluck at one of my local mosques, & heard a presentation from the police about Bias Crimes & how they are reported, tracked, & acted upon.*

 - Called out one of my close relatives on some racially biased comments, & engaged her in a conversation about White Privilege.  (I'm not sure it had much of an impact on her, but she was a gracious & thoughtful listener, & I think at least one person listening to us may have been impacted.)

 - Started organizing a Self-Taught Spanish Group at my workplace to encourage learning a second language.

 - Participated in the Seattle Womxn's March on 01/21/2017, as one of over 100,000 protestors.  It was the largest protest event in Seattle's history, and part of a world-wide demonstration of unity that has never been seen before!

 - Subscribed to my local newspaper, the Seattle Times, as a way to support "real news."  This may seem like a small thing, but for $220 it may be the most important action I've taken thus far.  If you do not have a subscription to a REAL newspaper, I cannot encourage you enough to take this simple step.  The best failsafe between us and a fully corrupt government is freedom of a diverse press.  Every dictatorship involves intimidation & limitation of the press.  And if the very words "alternative facts" don't send a chill down your spine, you are not paying attention.

*While minor offenses - such as yelling out of a car window - cannot be prosecuted, the police in Seattle WANT such things reported, so they can track them.  A pattern of behavior can be an important part of prosecution at a later date, or in the obtaining of legal protection orders.   The officer repeatedly requested that people report such incidents.

2017: The Year of the Source

      I come from a family that makes New Year's Resolutions every January 1st.  Sometimes they're serious, sometimes they are fun, but they always come from a place of self-improvement.  This year, I have two related to politics and social justice.

#1: I will have no regrets in 2017 about missed opportunities to take political action.  Big or small, whether a simple conversation or a significant protest.  Realistically I know I won't be able to do everything that comes my way, but I intend to approach each opportunity with enough determination and open-mindedness that I will have no regrets.

#2: I declare 2017 to be the year of "State Your Source."  And I welcome you to join me in this, so let me explain.

      One of the most appalling hallmarks of 2016 was the wide-spread disease that is political and social falsehoods.  Some of this came from our most visible political contenders.  A lot of it came from social media.  And some of it has had shocking, tragic consequences.
      False news has appeared on virtually every topic, but especially politics.  I wish I could say that I have been immune to this plague.  As a person who was taught how to vet accurate source material in high school, college, and graduate school, I wish I could say I held a healthy skepticism.  But this isn't true.  I, like many others, got sucked into the emotional furor of the election and jumped all over at least one utterly fictional internet meme.

I found out this wasn't true by watching 2016's final episode of "Last Week Tonight," which - although comedic in nature - is serious about the accuracy of the news they share.

     This Trump meme was an easy one to swallow, for a couple obvious reasons.  First of all, it really does sound like something Trump would way.  It uses his choice vocabulary, and the pattern of speech as indicated by the punctuation is a perfect match to his typical way of talking.  There's also the fact that a "source" is given: People Magazine, 1998.  If a source is given, then hey, that's gotta be true!  But it turns out that it wasn't.
      When I discovered I had bought into and verbally repeated a complete fabrication, I was horrified and embarrassed.  Some people said I was over-reacting; it's not like the few people I'd told had made a significant impact on the outcome of the election, or even damaged someone's life.  But this could be said of any single person re-Tweeting or re-posting a meme or article.  Individually, they are hardly culpable--but as a whole, they can have a powerful impact.  That's why people go to the trouble of creating these falsehoods.
      What really mortified me, however, was not the fear that I had been one pebble in a crushing landslide.  It was the blow to my integrity.  I am personally embarrassed that I so readily bought into a lie.  My ideas about who I am - my estimation of my own intelligence - are brought into question when I so readily latch onto a piece of information because it fits with my existing worldview.  As a psychotherapist, I know that this is the mental mechanism that feeds bias, prejudice, and bigotry.  I also know that depending on how much emotion someone attaches to a topic, their willingness to change their opinion may defy all logic, even when it is in their best interest.
      I do not - NOT - want to be one of those people.

They called him "Honest Abe" for a reason, folks.
(Please tell me I don't have to explain that this is a gag.)

      I do want to keep track of the incoming U.S. president's lies.  And yes, I believe he is going to tell a lot of lies, because the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and he has already told the U.S. and the world a lot of lies.  But the power of my argument is only as strong as the truths behind them.  If my opinions of Trump prove false, and he turns out to have an overwhelmingly positive impact on this country, then I don't want to dig me heels into the mud and whine about it: I want to be the first person to say, "Wow, I've never been so happy to be wrong in my life!"*  On the other hand, if my suspicions prove true, I want to have the hard evidence to back them up.  I want to be a person of integrity even when it is inconvenient.
      So when I hear a piece of information offered as fact, even when I like it - no, especially if I like it - I am going to ask: "state your source."  And I want people to do the same to me.  This isn't meant to be snarky, nor superior.  This is coming from a place of true curiosity, and a desire to hold myself accountable.  "The Truth shall make you Free"...but internet memes will mess with your mind.


*Admittedly it's hard to believe that possibility, considering he sometimes "promises" to do two entirely opposing things.

Excrement in North Carolina

      The news came in yesterday that North Carolina's state legislature voted not to repeal their law that requires transgendered individuals to use public bathrooms that correspond with their birth gender.  This, despite several long hours of deals between legislators.  Also after months of intense public protest, media scrutiny, and boycotting.
      I have to keep reminding myself that this senseless prejudice is born out of ignorance.  Gender is a critical part of personal identity.  For people who feel grounded in their gender, the idea of wanting to be otherwise can be really baffling, even terrifying.  And if they don't know anybody who is transgender their imaginations can take them to a lot of frightening places.  I understand this reaction, because I'm human: my instincts when faced with something totally outside my realm of experience is confusion and discomfort.  It has taken work to get to a place where I can catch myself*, and check and challenge my assumptions.

Humor is a great way to get people to stop and think, but sadly, there is very little that is funny about this issue.  Transgender women (women who were born as males) experience the highest rate of assault and murder.

      This piece in the news has me thinking a lot about Gender Privilege.  Of course there is the obvious discrepancy in how men and women are treated, but there's more to it than that.  When someone identifies as other than their birth gender - and that identity may not fit into a neat, binary model - sexism complicates matters even further.  Because gender is not just a biological phenomenon, it's also a social one.  A person who was born a male and transitions to female gives up a hell of a lot of privilege.  Honestly, they probably won't even receive the same privileges as a biologically-born female, unless they can pass really, really well.  It's not the physical, but the social aspects of gender that makes being a member of the trans community so dangerous.
       Recently at a training on working with transgendered youth, the presenter asked us all to imagine waking up tomorrow with our genders reversed.**  The trainer explained that those strong negative reactions are akin to what trans kids feel when they undergo puberty.  All of a sudden their body is becoming more sexualized, except that it's turning out to be something that feels foreign.  They live this feeling every day, and for many it only gets worse with time.
      The exercise was to help people understand and empathize.  In talking with my fellow trainees afterward, I was surprised by the spectrum of responses to imaging waking up with different genitals.  Some people felt shock.  Others felt curiosity.  Some said they felt revulsion, or panic.  A few people said they couldn't participate in the mental exercise, because the idea was literally inconceivable to them: they just couldn't force their imagination to go there.
      It reminded me of my college days, when I cut my hair very short (a "boy cut") and tended to wear baggy pants and flannels.  My reasons were simple: I wasn't vain, and this look was both comfortable and convenient.  But I was mistaken for a male from the back more than once.  On one memorable occasion, a well-meaning salesperson at a high-end retail establishment tried to remove me from the women's dressing room.  My reaction to this was anger.  I remember turning around in shock and gripping my chest to make a point.  She was completely mortified, apologized profusely.  Later, when I got over my anger, it made for a funny story.  But now I think back on that and wonder what precisely made me so mad.
      It's not like I didn't know that I wasn't presenting in stereotypical gender fashion.  Nor was that the first time someone had made that error when seeing me from behind.  I'd like to say that my feelings were born of a deep feminist belief that a woman isn't defined by her looks--especially not her clothing and hair.  But that's too cerebral; my reaction was reflexive.  In retrospect, I think it was because being faced with a limitation based on my perceived gender - even for a few seconds - was offensive to my feeling of identity.  And what's more, because it was someone trying to ban me from a space where  I felt instinctively that I belonged, I felt threatened.

      That was a small, small incident in my own life, but I am trying to use it to come to a better understanding of how I experience Gender Privilege.  For some people it is easier to be an ally to people with different skin, because of course we are born that way, it's nobody's choice, and therefore it's nobody's fault, so prejudice based on skin color is inherently unfair.  But being transgender seems to many to be a choice.  More than that, it seems an incomprehensible choice.  So they don't experience the same level of alliance.  We can all empathize with being treated unfairly for something that isn't our fault; it's harder to grasp making what seems to be such a radical - in some cases incomprehensible - choice.
      I think what these people are missing is understanding what kind of choice it is to become a transgendered person.  Most of us are not faced with a choice to be who we are, or not.  We were born with the privilege of having most of our life choices fall within a spectrum acceptable to our sense of self.  I am going to try harder to be aware of that privilege.  The truth is, I admire people who are true to themselves, no matter what.  I just want to develop a deeper understanding of what that means, for everyone.



*Most of the time, I'm not perfect.

**People are beginning to understand that gender is not binary, but for the purposes of this presentation it made the most sense to present the language in these terms.

Reflections on Safety Pin Training

      Last weekend, I taught a free community training on de-escalation skills.  It was my friend's idea: she's far more involved in social media than I am and she saw both an interest and a need.  She reached out to me, she found a location, and she put out the word.  She is amazing.  And over 20 people showed up.
      Over 20 people came to learn ways to put themselves between an aggressor and a targeted individual.  They came to learn how to help others - help strangers - because they believe in embodying the values of equity and inclusion.  It was humbling.  I know it sounds corny, but I was honestly deeply moved that these individuals were willing to learn, and willing to act.  It's nice to know we're not alone.

      I am a privileged individual who, by no other means than the color of my skin, am a member of a broad and comfortable majority.  It is exceedingly rare for me to go anywhere and feel out-of-place, and when I do it's usually by choice.  But for the first few days after the election I didn't feel that way.  Everywhere I went, every White stranger I looked at, I wondered: "Who is this person?  How did they vote, and why?  What are their values?"  I was trying to read facial expressions like never before.  Were they happy or sad?  Elated that their "underdog" candidate had made it?  Or did they feel like me, distressed that such an ugly side of America had been exposed, and proved so much larger than they had feared?  It is my nature to assume that everyone is a good person when I first meet them.  All of a sudden, I was questioning that.
      My paranoia had died down a little bit since then.  Logic, education, and experience have tempered my emotions into a more reasonable perspective.  After all, not everyone who voted for Trump is an overtly racist hate-monger.  At least one person I know and love has financial convictions that blinded them to the larger social issues.  And there are people who weren't appalled by Trump's rhetoric because it echoed that of most people they know.  To them, it must have been refreshing - maybe even a relief - to finally have a presidential candidate who sounded like "a real person."  They might have experienced the precise opposite of my reaction following the election.  Maybe all of a sudden they felt more like they belonged.
      For me, the sense of isolation continued.  It wasn't until I walked into the room last Saturday and saw those strangers - those wonderful, caring, daring strangers - that I realized how much I was carrying around.  All of a sudden, here was the Seattle I knew and loved: people ranging in age from early 20's to late 50's; ranging in style from conservative slacks to heavy piercings and blue hair; and from the way they were dressed, there was no way to know what the socio-economic spread might be.*  I felt like a member of a community again.  I felt like strangers and I had something in common again.
      It fueled me.  It humbled me.  It stoked the embers of my hope.  It made me feel so, so thankful that I had something to give.  And it made me hungry to learn more, myself.
      If you were there: thank you for coming.
      We'll be doing a repeat of the first training in January, and then moving on to other topics of request later in the winter.  I will have the slides made available soon.  Another friend of mine and I will be coordinating some open trainings and forums about race discrepancy and White Privilege in south Seattle.  I hope to see some of the same people back again, and I hope to see plenty of new faces, too.  We're not alone. As I've been writing in my holiday cards: 2017 may not be shaping up to be the best year, but it can bring out the best in us.

*Of course everyone was White: the Safety Pin movement is about recognizing privilege and becoming an ally.  But you certainly don't have to be White!

White Shield

      Yesterday, Lady Justice winced under her blindfold.  A lot of people - myself definitely included - expected Officer Michael Slager to be convicted of murder.  The evidence was overwhelming, and the entire country has seen it by now: two separate videos show the White police officer chasing Walter Scott - an unarmed Black man - and shooting him in the back multiple times before deliberately planting false evidence.  Yet one of the jurors apparently "could not in good conscience" give guilty verdict, and Slager was granted a mistrial.  Walter Scott did not receive the justice he deserved.

R.I.P. Walter Scott

      I will not use this space to go into the blatant nature of this failure of the justice system.  I will only say that if we take Slager at his word that he shot Mr. Scott because he was "afraid for his life," then his level of fear was nothing short of delusional paranoia.  Anyone with that extreme disconnect from reality should be court mandated to receive intensive psychotherapy, and be prohibited from ever again owning any sort of weapon.*  Fortunately, the prosecution will likely move for a new trial, rather than letting the matter drop.  Additionally, Slager faces new federal charges within the next month or two.  This isn't over yet.
      This morning I was listening to "The Takeaway," a news analysis show on NPR.  There was a brief segment on the mistrial.  The radio host John Hockenberry, said: "When I watch that video, I feel as though my safety as a citizen is compromised by the idea that someone who one moment can say, 'I'm fearing for my life,' and the next moment is covering up evidence...."
      And it hit me: with all of these police shootings, I have been feeling anger--but never fear.
      This realization has forced me to ask myself some uncomfortable questions.  It never occurred to me that I could be the victim of police brutality.  Not once.  But why not?  In my youth, before I understood the reality of pervasive racial prejudice in law enforcement, I believed that a person had to go looking for trouble.  I was raised to believe that police went after Bad Guys, and since I wasn't breaking a law, I had nothing to fear.**
       So does that mean that I believed the Black population was more prone to crime?  I went to a progressive high school and pursued sociology and psychology from my first semester in college.  I'd heard plenty of statistics about the disproportionate drug use and arrest rate among ethnic minorities in this country.  I'd also been taught that ethnic minorities were far more likely to live in poverty, attend inadequately funded schools, and live in violent neighborhoods.  In my mind, it was these external factors that pushed people to break the law.  Of course I had heard that police targeted and even harassed Black men.  I'd heard the phrase "Driving While Black."  I remember seeing the Rodney King beatings on television.  But I didn't really believe it; I was indoctrinated with the idea that only criminals have anything to fear from police.

Police are my friends, right, McGruff?

      Experience, education, and empathy overcame that misconception.  Little by little, I began to see and comprehend the truth.  I am sure there are more depths of truth for me to experience, which is part of why I write this blog.  Today I was made newly aware of the depth of my internalized White Privilege, and it shocked me.  Even when I watched a video of a police officer chasing an unarmed man and shooting him to death, I never once experienced a moment of fear for myself. From the first, I instinctively - unconsciously - knew that I wasn't at risk.  It's not that I thought to myself, "Well, I'm not Black, therefore I don't have anything to worry about."  I didn't think at all.
      My gut knew the truth long before my brain pieced it together, with all the logic and language of social justice.
      When I contemplate the possibility of experiencing police violence myself, it's within the context of protesting.  Like the heroes at Standing Rock, I reason that if I put my body on the line - perhaps literally on the line - then I face the possibility of injury or even death.  Figuratively speaking, it becomes more probable when I paint a target on my body--whereas a person of color in the U.S. has skin interpreted as an unwanted target every single day.  Bizarrely, it means putting myself in a position to experience brutality at the hands of law enforcement is a privilege.
      On Saturday, I will be teaching a public class in the community on how and when to intervene in a hate crime.  I suspect this training will not go as many of the participants are hoping, but one thing I will be pointing out is that a White person - especially a White man - is simply less likely to be assaulted if they insert themselves between an aggressor and a victim.  That does not mean it's always the most effective thing to do.  But it is true...it is true.




*That's IF we take him at his word.  I'm pretty sure I don't.

**To be clear, I still believe the majority of police officers go into law enforcement for the best possible reasons.  I believe most are wonderful people who want to do the right thing.  I also believe that many officers are good people who are unaware of their racial prejudices--I base this on the fact many of my personal acquaintance are good people, and they are unaware of their racial prejudices, just I have been in the past.