We Will Not Go Away; Welcome to Your First Day!

      It's been awhile since I posted, but I'm happy to say my tardiness has been for all the right reasons.  Namely: activism in other ways.  Today will be the first "working" day of Trump's presidency.  That seems like a good opportunity for me to check in about my own goals and progress.

In the last 30 Days I have:

 - Attended a Community Potluck at one of my local mosques, & heard a presentation from the police about Bias Crimes & how they are reported, tracked, & acted upon.*

 - Called out one of my close relatives on some racially biased comments, & engaged her in a conversation about White Privilege.  (I'm not sure it had much of an impact on her, but she was a gracious & thoughtful listener, & I think at least one person listening to us may have been impacted.)

 - Started organizing a Self-Taught Spanish Group at my workplace to encourage learning a second language.

 - Participated in the Seattle Womxn's March on 01/21/2017, as one of over 100,000 protestors.  It was the largest protest event in Seattle's history, and part of a world-wide demonstration of unity that has never been seen before!

 - Subscribed to my local newspaper, the Seattle Times, as a way to support "real news."  This may seem like a small thing, but for $220 it may be the most important action I've taken thus far.  If you do not have a subscription to a REAL newspaper, I cannot encourage you enough to take this simple step.  The best failsafe between us and a fully corrupt government is freedom of a diverse press.  Every dictatorship involves intimidation & limitation of the press.  And if the very words "alternative facts" don't send a chill down your spine, you are not paying attention.

*While minor offenses - such as yelling out of a car window - cannot be prosecuted, the police in Seattle WANT such things reported, so they can track them.  A pattern of behavior can be an important part of prosecution at a later date, or in the obtaining of legal protection orders.   The officer repeatedly requested that people report such incidents.

My First Introduction to U.S. Race Relations

      When one is born into privilege, one could easily go one's entire life without ever realizing it.  As I'm fond saying: it's hard to convince a free swimming fish that it's wet.  That fish has just never known anything else, and unless it is literally pulled out of it's comfort zone, it might not be able to conceive of anything different.  For this reason, I believe that it's important to teach kids - especially White kids - about racism.
      I think a lot about my understanding of racism growing up.  I'm deeply grateful that I experienced no overt racism in my family.  My parents and extended family all believed in racial equality the way any ordinary person would believe in gravity.  I never heard a single racial stereotype growing up, and I never knew a single racial slur until I learned about them in a historical context.  I think the first time I heard the "n word" was reading Mark Twain in middle school.

This book includes the words "injun" and "nigger."  For that reason, it has been re-edited for some schools, and banned in others.  Still other people believe it is critical to leave the original story as it's written, because it offers a valuable insight into history.  What's your perspective?

      In some ways, I think this was a great way to grow up.  My mind wasn't poisoned with any senseless, stupid, cruel biases around skin color.  Thank the Powers That Be I didn't have that nonsense to root out of my head.  When I did learn about overt racism, it shocked me.  It shocked me to learn that the KKK still exists.  It shocked me the first time I heard someone say a racial slur in conversation.  I think those things should shock people: we should consider them so atrocious that they stun us to the core.*
      My parents sent me to good schools, that made an effort to teach kids about racism and U.S. history.  The classrooms had posters of famous authors and scientists of many different ethnicities.  During story time, the librarian read us children's tales from China, and India, and Africa.  We diligently revisited the bravery of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and the other Civil Rights leaders every February.

This is a great example of the kind of equality-promoting propaganda used in my elementary schools.  It took me a long time to realize what was wrong with it.

      What we didn't have - and what I desperately think we were missing - was diversity in the staff and student body.  There were almost no kids of color in my elementary school, and not a single Black kid in any of my classes.  So my understanding of racism was purely academic.  I will give my teachers the benefit of the doubt; they were probably doing what was considered a 'best practice' at the time, and I think they wanted their students to have good values.  I did develop a strong moral value that prejudice based on skin color, language, or culture is wrong.  But I also learned some other lessons, that I've only identified in retrospect:

1) Racism happened long ago/somewhere else
2) Everything was better now
3) Relations between Black & White people were defined by mistrust

      As a psychologist, I now understand the power of learning through observation.  Where our personal experience leaves a void, book learning will fill in--but it will do so imperfectly.  This is what happened to me in early childhood.  Since I didn't know a single Black person, as a little kid I became afraid that Black people would assume I was racist, just because I was White.  I'm not sure I totally got over the misconception until adulthood.  And that anxiety prevented me from taking advantage of a lot of opportunities.
       Moreover, I feel that this mindset unintentionally set me up to be closed-minded about race-relations today.  Since I never SAW any racism growing up, and I had LEARNED about it only from a historical perspective, it was that much harder for me to accept the present day reality.
      I have no idea if anybody else had an experience like mine.  My brain may just work in weird ways.  But through the lens of hindsight, I do have some suggestions for elementary schools:

1) Deliberately integrate schools--there will be another separate post on this
2) Keep teaching about the Black leaders of the past, but also teach about Whites who helped; not to diminish the greatness of the Black participants, but to offer role models for dumb kids like me, who think that the struggle for equality and justice is something other people do
3) Incorporate the history into the present.  Always.  In all topics.  Especially when we have so many present-day challenges to overcome.

This is the kind of poster I wish had been in my schools: seeing and valuing difference, and realizing that helping others means strengthening all.

*Then we need to have the same reaction to systemic racism, like a court system that unevenly punishes African Americans versus Caucasians.  Unfortunately, a lot of privileged White people see those statistics as a glitch.  You can't assume somebody said "wetback" on accident.  You can assume that it's just coincidence Latino drivers get pulled over more often than Whites.

Preferential Treatment, Part Two

      This is the second part of a blog post about an experience I had at a restaurant last weekend.  In Part One I outlined the experience as honestly as I could, and the observations I made that led to my thoughts that the staff - almost all ethnic minorities, predominantly Black - were giving preferential service to Black patrons.  I did doubt myself at the time - I still do, as I'm writing this - and I hope that my knee-jerk conclusion is wrong.  I hope that my low blood sugar affected my powers of perception, and made me feel more paranoid and testy than normal.  I really don't like thinking that anybody is exhibiting racial prejudice for any reasons; as I've stated before, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.
      That being said, I'm far from ignorant.  I know too well the many different forms that prejudice can take.  And I'm very aware that usually that prejudice benefits me, as a White American woman.  But sometimes it doesn't.  When White people find themselves on the losing side of racial prejudice, they tend to react very negatively.  I'm trying to see this as an opportunity for learning, about myself and the society in which I live.
      So now that I'm thinking back over the events of the morning, my brain goes into Alternate Theory Mode.  (I'm starting to recognize this as my pattern.)  Maybe I missed something, and those tables with Black patrons were seated and ordered earlier than I thought.  Maybe those patrons were owners, or former employees, or family members--if we're being honest, we all give preferential treatment to those individuals.  Or maybe nobody was receiving special attention, and the kitchen just didn't have their act together.  After all, that White family seated to my right got their food more quickly than my husband and I.  It's totally possible that something wonky happened with our order.  There are plenty of perfectly logical reasons for the timing and order of food service that have nothing to do with race.

I realize it sounds entirely silly, but if there was some way to end racism through food, I would drop my career and make that my life's work.

      Then my brain goes into Explore the Meaning Mode.  To lay it out: what if my initial assumption was correct after all?  What does that mean to me?  What does it mean in a larger social context? What can I learn?
      So: if my initial assumption was correct, and my food order was intentionally delayed as the orders of Black patrons (and other minorities, for all I know) were put in the front of the list, what does that mean to me?  My first reaction is indignant anger.  I don't like unfairness in general.  And if I'm being honest, I like it even less when it negatively impacts me--particularly when it comes between me and my breakfast.*  There's a part of my privileged, restaurant experienced brain that says, "That is a piss poor business model, and a great way to alienate customers. Where is your pride in your work?"  I also feel hurt.  I think, "I'm a nice person!  I just wanted to eat breakfast!  Judging me on the color of my skin denies me who I am as an individual!"
      Well, duh.
      Which brings me to the question of a larger social context.  What if the staff there were prioritizing the orders of Black patrons?  What if they were using this restaurant as a space for people who get the short end of the stick in so many ways, so often, and making a small gesture to put them first for a change?
      There area couple problems: I'm pretty sure that giving preferential treatment to customers based on perceived race is illegal.  I say "pretty sure," because if there's one thing I've learned in the last few years, it's that laws vary more from state to state than one might expect.**  But more importantly, it goes against a moral code to which the majority of Americans believe that they adhere.  Given the legacy of the 1960's and the Civil Rights Movement, I think most of us have very strong reactions to blatant exhibitions of racial prejudice, particularly when it comes to service industries.

The Supreme Court abolished segregation in public businesses with the Civil Rights Act of 1964.  The way the law is written, is applies all ways, across all races.

      After segregation became illegal, many business establishments attempted to discourage minorities from coming by treating them badly.  This still happens today, way more often than most people know--or are willing to admit.  And I know exactly how I would react if I thought a restaurant were giving preferential treatment to White customers: I'd call my friends who are lawyers and try to get it shut down.  That being said, I noticed who was receiving food at the restaurant over the weekend because I was the one being kept waiting.  Would I notice if I was the one being moved to the front of the list?
      Historically, how many places gave preferential service to ethnic minorities over White people?  If my order was pushed back in favor of others, still I wasn't refused service, and no real damage was done.  Do I have an ethical leg to stand on in being bent out of shape?
      I don't like unfairness to be encouraged or tolerated in any sense.  It may sound idealistic, but I believe it is detrimental to an individual if they are taught that it's Ok to discriminate for any reason.  I recognize and honor the statistical foundations of Affirmative Action, but I also admit it took me awhile to really believe it was necessary, and to get on board.  I long for the day when the playing field really is level.  Cynically, I doubt that will happen in my lifetime.
      Here's the last thing my brain is processing on this before I get too flooded to continue: what if the restaurant gave preferential service to ethnic minorities, and everybody knew about it?  What if it was something they took pride in, because they wanted to make a political statement?
      Weirdly enough, if that were the case, I think I would make a point of eating there.  There are businesses I boycott because I dislike their politics--this would just be the opposite.  Then I would feel like I was a part of a socio-political statement, instead of a victim of prejudice.  Or even if the employees weren't doing it to make a statement, just to support fellow minorities, if they were honest and open about it, I would patronize their establishment to show my support as well.
      So what does all this say about me?  I guess I don't take kindly to being marginalized.  I don't want ANYBODY being marginalized, especially for utterly stupid reasons like skin color.  But, like most people, I'm more likely to get worked up when I'm the one impacted.



*Remember my three disclaimers from Part One: I am a breakfast-loving foodie who get cantankerous when my blood sugar gets too low.

**Especially in the area of civil rights.  Which is, frankly, downright alarming.