When News Hits

      When perusing the newspaper last Sunday, I found a small article providing an update on an internal investigation regarding a police shooting in Chicago.  Briefly (and I am sure this is not a complete story): Chicago PD pulled over a Jaguar that had been reported stolen.  After being stopped, the suspect tried to drive away, sideswiping a police car and another parked vehicle, so the police opened fire.  The driver was hit, and pronounced dead at the hospital.  An autopsy result on Friday showed that the man had been shot in the back, and his death was ruled a homicide.
      The driver was a Black man--but you probably already guessed that.

Photo Credit: Jose M. Osorio, Chicago Tribune

      The article said that a third police officer involved with the shooting has been "relieved of his powers" while the death is investigated.  Of course, Chicago PD has been under some serious scrutiny about these very issues for the last...how many years now?  But one has to wonder just what that actually means--what it actually looks like.
      When I started to read this article, I noticed that I was holding my breath.  I was actually bracing myself, thinking: "Ok, here we go...again."  My anxiety went up.  And then when I was done reading it, several thoughts went through my mind.  I want to recount that thought process here as honestly as I can, first with my initial thoughts, and then my reflection on those thoughts after the fact.
      First Reaction: "Holy $#!t, what are these police officers thinking!?!"
      Follow-up Reflection: Given everything that's been in the news in the last few years, if I was a police officer right now, I would be so freaked out about even being ACCUSED of abusing my power - especially with a suspect of a different race - I wouldn't even pull my gun unless somebody had already starting shooting at me.  (Which means I would probably wind up dead--I would make a lousy police officer.)  But the point is, I want to give most police officers the benefit of the doubt.  I have worked with a lot of street kids, and I have met some wonderful cops who bent over backwards to try and help.  I have also seen some men and women in uniform who were, for lack of a better word, complete assholes.  Most of the officers I met were somewhere in between.  But I'm a therapist, and I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  Still...incidents like this keep making it harder.
      Second Reaction: "And what the hell was that driver thinking?!  He's a Black man being pulled over by police officers in Chicago while driving a Jaguar!  Whether guilty or no, what made him think trying to drive away wouldn't increase his risk of getting shot?!"
      Follow-up Reflection: But then I realize, Maybe that's why he tried to drive away.  Maybe he panicked.  Maybe he thought he'd be shot if he got out of the car--and maybe he was right.  Then my thoughts spiral, as they often do: maybe he was under the influence of alcohol or some other drug so his thinking was already clouded, or on the flip side maybe the whole thing was a set up and he was murdered in cold blood, or maybe he was threatening police before he hit the gas, and back and forth and back and forth and let's face it there's no way I'll ever know because I wasn't there.
      Third - and maybe most important - I finally thought: "But all of that's beside the point, isn't it?  Because nobody should have to be afraid of the police because of the color of their skin.  And, even if the police acted in the best possible faith, what kind of training are they receiving that they think it's a good idea to shoot at somebody driving away from them?"
      Fourth, I thought: "And why the heck did it take me so long to reach those conclusions?  What does that say about me?"

I Googled "Introspection" and this sculpture by Frank Somma came up.  It really captures my feelings when I write in this blog.

      What can I learn about myself?  And how can I use what I learn?