Creating Space to Grow

      I'm not going to lie: starting this blog is making me feel more nervous than I expected.  Part of that may be because I'm not really super tech savvy, so I'm kind of waiting to do something wrong.  Part of it may be embarrassment because I always wonder at my hubris whenever I think somebody else should care about stuff I have to say.  But honestly, a big part of it is the inspiration behind this blog: to write about race, prejudice, politics, and growth.
      These are very hot topics.  The odds of me not offending somebody are pretty low (more likely I'll offend several somebodies).  I'm worried I'll get in trouble, somehow.  I'm worried I'll get major internet Trolls on my ass.  I'm worried I may lose friends, or create friction in my family.  I'm worried I'll look like a coward (I am starting off anonymously, after all--that may change, but for now I'm keeping my real name under wraps).  I'm worried this will make it harder for me to realize some of my dearest ambitions.  I'm even worried this may somehow impact my job, and my career means more to me than I can say.
      And here are the kickers: a) I don't think that this blog is going to be that big, and b) I'm White.

      Imagine if I were writing this and I wasn't White.
      That's the thought that keeps me going.  That, and something a person I respect very deeply said to me during a conversation about racism.  He said that he had given up his grand vision of what he thought he should be doing to disassemble racism, because he realized it was unlikely to happen.  Rather, he had recognized and embraced his own talents, and decided to use them as effectively as he could.  That resonated with me.  Yes, I think that if I really got off my ass and worked on it I could put together big marches through my state capitol.  But I also think that my real talent lies with words, in loquacity if not in eloquence.  I also think I have a talent for understanding people.  So here's my attempt to use my talents to make a difference.
      I did not intend to start this blog like this.  I'd actually written out a thoughtful, meaningful post to get the ball rolling.  But I plan to make myself uncomfortable in this blog, because real growth requires pushing oneself to go outside one's comfort zone.  So I'm starting off very raw, and very real.  This is me, being nervous, and feeling kind of stupid, and pushing ahead anyway.  I'll do the well-thought-out post next time.
      Hopefully you'll still be reading.