Why "Us vs. Them?"

      I have a theory about why fantasy and science fiction are such popular genres.  I think it gives human beings a subtle sense of relief to have an obvious enemy, particularly one that is clearly different from themselves.  Faced with a slimy creature from outer-space that wants to enslave the planet, one can pull the trigger with relatively few qualms: those pesky questions about ethics, long-term consequences, and "should I have tried another tactic first?" all go out the window.  An already stressful scenario is rendered marginally less stressful but the removal of doubt.

This is not an image that evokes debate about the rights of all living creatures.

      We are not born with the values (or skills) to think before we act aggressively in our own self-interest.  Toddlers don't have ethical struggles when they shove somebody for grabbing their toy.  But of course, wise adults teach those children that such behavior is not Ok, that we need to think, and use your words.  We do this because we know that our civilization depends on, well, being civil to one another.  We have learned it is better to exercise restraint and creative problem-solving to decrease potential fallout. In the real world, decision making can be complicated and emotionally draining.  That's why some people decide not to bother with it.
      There are no filthy orcs or slimy Martians threatening us in the real world.  But some people do feel threatened by other human beings who dissimilar.  Obvious differences would be skin of a different color, dressing different, or speaking a different language--or maybe are outwardly of a different gender.  Other threatening differences could be religion or social customs.  Or even political party of choice; that's one where I've been guilty of crossing the line once or twice.

      Faced with differences that make us uncomfortable, there are three ways to react:
1) Ignore the whole thing.  Pretend we aren't actually uncomfortable.  Either stuff it, forget it, or re-frame it as being about something else that makes us upset, like bad driving or playing music too loud.  Low-key stuff that we can easily go our whole lives without thinking through.

2) Escalate the sense of difference until it becomes an Us/Them mindset.  In social justice terms, we call this "Othering."  We know who our in-group is, whether we think it through or just go with our gut, and the people who are not in that group are Others.  I believe everyone does this to some degree.  Ever glared at a driver who cut you off, and thought - even for a moment - "Well what a surprise, it's an [old lady/Asian man/Black teenager/etc]?"  That's Othering.
      When this grows to an extreme, it becomes paranoid, even hostile. "The Mexicans are coming and taking our jobs."  "The Gays are out to destroy marriage."  "The Jews are taking over the banks."  Suddenly, it becomes more comfortable to slip back into that toddler mentality of reacting without thinking.  If the threat becomes "obvious," then we can just pull that trigger and save the planet...right?
      Maybe that's why hate crimes have been escalating so much recently.

3) Learn more.  Knowledge and understanding are fatal to prejudice.  Going back to my toddler analogy, I was hanging out with a friend the other day who's delightful 2 year-old is scared of dogs.  But a nice man with a sweet little dog was willing to let her watch the puppy through the cafe window, like an animal in a zoo.  Toddler and canine leaned against the glass, getting to know one another.  Later, my friend's daughter went outside the cafe and got close to the dog, enthralled.

      This is what we want our children to do in such situations: we know that if they learn more, their anxiety will decrease.  They just have to get familiar with it.  We know this about children, yet we forget it about ourselves.  It makes us uncomfortable, so we honestly don't do it very often.
      As I continue my contemplation of White Privilege, I realized something about this phenomenon.  When a person of the majority - in my country, that would be Caucasians such as myself - decides to become more actively familiar with a minority culture this is generally viewed as "an interest," or even "an amusing hobby."  You rarely find a privileged White person being chastised for NOT checking out a minority culture.  I've gone my whole life barely dipping my toes into other cultures, and I could easily - comfortably - never do it again.
      But a person of a racial, ethnic, or cultural minority is expected to become familiar with the majority culture--more than that, they are expected to conform.  Whites want them to dress, talk, and act like us.  When they don't, we feel uncomfortable.   "If they're going to live here, they just need to adapt/learn the language/leave the old country behind."  We struggle with accepting the Other as being equal - truly, honestly, functionally equal - to ourselves.

      So...what do we do?
My answer: do something.  Do ONE thing.  Start with one.  Something small.  Then see if you're up to do something else.  Here's what I've decided to do:

1) I'm going to take Spanish classes.
      I imagine moving to a country where I didn't have a good grasp on the language, struggled with poverty, and received the kind of social messages this recent election has given to our Latino population.  I think it would crush me.  Some people say: "Well, if you're going to move to a foreign country, learn the language."  YOU try becoming competent in a language when you're working multiple jobs and raising a family.   I studied French for 8 years in a very good school district; it was practically fed to me with a silver spoon, and I never got much beyond conversational use of the language.  One of the best ways I can start supporting this minority population is by talking to them.

Just thinking about it makes me feel humbled.

2) I'm going to visit my local Mosque, and ask how I can show my support.
      This will be easy for me, since a gentleman from my local Mosque has already come and presented to my workplace about how to support immigrant Islamic youth.  I get shy in these kinds of situations, but if I can't overcome my shyness and the inconvenience to my comfortable weekly schedule, then I'm falling woefully short of my ideals.

       That's where I'm starting.  If you're looking for places to start, here are some suggestions from myself and others I've spoken to:

 - Stand up against bullying.  Whether it's in your face, or on Facebook, don't stand idly by.  Here is an excellent link sent to me by a reader about how to intervene if you see someone perpetrating a hate crime.  But these days, I think we encounter even more bullying online.  If you are a video gamer, you know what kind of things other people can say in the heat of the moment.  If you hear it, I challenge you to call them on it.  Don't put up with it.  Even if it means booting them, blocking them, or logging off yourself.  It's time to draw the line on every front.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/safety-pins-solidarity-minorities/

 - Donate generously to a non-profit that serves minorities and other struggling populations.  There are plenty to pick from, and all depend at least partially on government funding.  There is a significant risk that these organizations will take a serious financial hit in the next four years--some may have to close their doors.  Southern Poverty Law Center.  The ACLU (this one may be more important than ever).  United Way.  Planned Parenthood.  Your local food bank, shelter, or mental health/addiction treatment center.

 - Travel.  If you are puzzled about why some parts of the country have such different political ideas than others, go check it out.  Don't just drive through, stay for a few days, and chat with the locals.  Or, if you can afford it, travel outside the country.  Go to Mexico.  Go to South America.  Go to China.  Go to India.  And take someone with you who could really benefit from the education of experience.

That's not a third-world country, that's someone's home in Arkansas.

 - Read.  Keep these issues on your mind, and be willing to explore topics that may not be at the top of your area of interest.  These are complicated issues, tied to history and ideas that may be strange or uncomfortable for a lot of people.  I'm starting a page on this blog tracking the books I'm reading that are relevant to issues of social equity, and you are welcome to recommend more.

 - Have conversations with others.  Talk to other people who share your values and figure out what you can do together.  Find ways to feel connected with others.  Find ways to empathize with others.  Find ways to listen--especially when you don't want to.  And if you're not sure how to do that without yelling, I will put out a post on communication skills in a few weeks.

 - Go to your next city council meeting.  This could say "get involved in politics," but that's a daunting concept for many.  So start with city council.  Check out the website or call city hall, figure out when the next meeting is, and go watch.  And talk to somebody else there.  Voila, you're involved in politics!  Keep it up, and see where it goes--maybe you'll even run for office.

The Reality

      I woke up this morning and really needed a cup of coffee.  I don't actually have a coffee maker right now, so I walked a block to my local cafe to order a cup to go.  When I stepped outside, the first thing I saw was a group of school kids waiting for the bus with their parents.  Most of them not White.  A few were Latino.  About a third were Middle Eastern.

      I nearly burst into tears. I wanted to run up to those parents and hug them, and tell them I was so sorry.  I wanted to let them know that I'm afraid for their kids, too.  And that means I'm going to fight for their kids.

      There's a lot about this election that makes me sad.  I had trouble sleeping last night because it also makes me frightened--genuinely scared for my safety and those who I care about.  And please don't tell me I'm over-reacting or that "things could never get that bad," because that's precisely what people said when Trump started to run for president, and you have seen the headlines, right?  But mostly what I feel is anger.  And anger can be a very, very tricky emotion.

      The fact of the matter is that nothing unites like a common enemy, and that is how Trump got himself elected.  Immigrants, Muslims, the Liberal Media--how did Cercei Lannister phrase it?  "Anyone who isn't us is an enemy."  Game of Thrones may be fiction, but don't forget the author firmly based his stories in historical events.  And history has a nasty habit of repeating itself.

      As a White woman of economic and educational privilege, I've often wondered how I would have handled other periods of history.  Would I have had the guts to be one of the Freedom Riders?  Would I have had the courage to help smuggle runaway slaves through the Underground Railroad?  If I had been German in the 1930's, would I have stood up to the Nazis, or kept my head down like so many others did?  I can't go back in history.  But anyone who thinks the present day isn't just as critical as those dark chapters of our past is blind, sir, blind.

      So how to move forward.  How to make a difference.  How to meet what has happened effectively.  How to be able to look back at this time with no regrets, with no cause to lament: "If only I had done more."

      In the interest of not making posts too long, I will dedicate my next one to ideas, strategies and resources.  If you have any to add, please comment here, and let me know.  We shall overcome.